A weak pun
I made that old error, decried in the work of every philosopher in the Western and Eastern cannons: I got myself a job. Today has been my first day. I dressed in my best, and only, suit, polished my shoes and was into the office no less than 20 British minutes early. As I began my to perform the many small and harmless tasks I had been given I felt glowing with health. My mind began to dwell upon the money I was accumulating. What would I do with it? Would I buy a sandwich with lunch, or a pint after the working day was done? Perhaps I should book a holiday, or put in an order for a new BMW 3 series. I began to be concerned. I was only employed for six days, how would I keep up with the payments? I worked harder, eager to earn a long term contract so as I could continue with the spending that I imagined I would become used to. By 11am I was sweating and shaking with stress, as the weight of my responsibilities and financial burdens began to press down on me. I worked harder, but I became even more worried. I felt a tightness in my chest, and a jagging pain in my arm and side. An ambulance was called, and by 12.30 I was lying in a hospital bed.
'Doctor' I moaned pitifully 'am I going to die? I wish I had spent less time at the office!'
'Don't be silly', he reassured me 'you just seem to have come down with a mild case of Affluenza. You are clearly more susceptible than most. I'm putting you on a course of broad spectrum Monbiotics. Take two daily, with a copy of the Guardian and a cup of herbal tea.'
I think perhaps I will take next week off...
2 comments:
My timebroker in Brussels rang me earlier today to warn me of an impending run on the British minute. Apparently it's dipping against the European Merkel at the moment, which is traditionally almost twice the length. No wonder the French find working a 35 hour week so testing.
A shadowy group of Brussels powerbrokers recently put forward proposals for a new european common time unit, to be called the Bonaparte. There are one hundred Bonapartes to a De Gaulle, and ten De Gaulles to a Flaubert, as the day will soon be known. William Hague has taken a strong stance against the idea, and is planning a campaign entitled '12 Days to Save the Minute' but unfortunately it was autocorrected by a rogue pro-european edition of Microsoft Word to read '12 Flauberts to save 0.72 Bonapartes'.
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